it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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