Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
