You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your dad touched me again.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
