Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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