Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
