there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
