I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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