Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize