Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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