people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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