I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
