Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
