They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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