So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
