you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
