he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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