i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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