Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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