went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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