elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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