We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
