I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
