Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
