You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
