guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
