oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
