He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
