She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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