Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize