I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
