if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
