i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
