Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
