she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
