White coat. Heels.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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