the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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