Already got asked if we're dating
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
