Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
