Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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