Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
