did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
