I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
