If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
