how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
