She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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