she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
