I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
