I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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