I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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