I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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