So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
