The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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