i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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