Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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