Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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