Your face is a jimmy john
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
