i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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