You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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