Don't you send me to vm
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
