I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
