so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my being single is dangerous.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
