the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
