she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
