I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
