I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
