but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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