Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
